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Little Kernel


All creatures great and small.

things people said

computer stupidities

random acts of kindness foundation

100 things about other people

the monologues of fictional people

conversations about famous people


Mystic Pizza

Parental Guidance Suggested Health code violation, PandemoniumEntertainment Value: Coveted Four Popcorn Piece Rating
Horror Experience!Marvin** and Ellen** went on a date at a local pizza joint that performs plays in its basement. After ordering and taking their seats, they waited in the audience for the play to begin. Instead, the director took center stage and said, "A large rat ran across the stage during last night's performance, and we worked it into the plot, but well, one just threatened an actress backstage. She's refused to go on, so we'll have to cancel tonight's performance. But feel free to stay and eat your pizza." Just then, Wanda and Ellen's pizza order was out, and shortly thereafter, they were too.

Wag the Dog

General Audience Wild animals, High-speed chaseEntertainment Value: Three Popcorn Pieces
Action Experience!After pulling an all-nighter, Loni** realized she had 10 minutes to get her summer course final paper turned in across campus. Hopping on her bike, she held the paper in her mouth as she steered through campus. Quickly dismounting, she hit the ground running--still sporting the doggy slippers she'd been wearing in the dorm (with floppy ears, tails, and all). Just then, the campus mailman nonchalantly finished his route. Carrying his mailbag, he broke into a run several feet in front of her, glancing back in mock terror and screaming, "Dear God! They're after me!" After getting the paper turned in just under the wire, Loni exited the building. The mailman walked up to her silently, stooped down, and petted her feet.


The Passion of the Christ

General Audience Faith for the Whole Family!Entertainment Value: Coveted Four Popcorn Piece Rating
Family ExperienceIn the heart of Contra Costa County, California, the Truman** family demonstrated their devotion to God by giving each child a name from the Bible. However, the symbolism doesn't stop there. The first letter of each child's name, in birth sequence from oldest to youngest, spells out "Jesus Christ." This impressive statement of faith also must come in handy, as the mother can use her acrostic to see which of her eleven children are missing at any given time.

Cool Hand Luke

Teen Audience Paralysis, General DebaucheryEntertainment Value: Three Pieces of Popcorn
Dramatic ExperienceAfter a night of general madness and alcohol consumption, Theresa** awoke to find her arm and hand were asleep. However, after getting dressed for the day, she found her appendages never "woke up," completely numb. As she found she was unable to move her arm, she made a doctor's appointment, fearing she had suffered a paralyzing stroke. Dr. Wong** checked her out thoroughly, and then asked if she had been drinking the prior night. Astounded, she confirmed that she had. Dr. Wong diagnosed her with a temporary condition of "Saturday Night Palsy," apparently the result of inebriated people who have slept in strange positions.



Parental Guidance Alcohol, Hippies, '60s moral code Entertainment Value: Two Popcorn Pieces
Kids' ExperienceAt a Shakespeare "under the stars" adaptation, one character, dressed as a hippie from a small NorCal surfing town, broke out a six-pack of beer. In true hippie hospitality, he asked if anyone in the audience wanted a beer. As many underage hands went up, he clarified: "Does anyone over 21 want a beer?" A middle-aged man's hand went up, so the actor, unable to reach the man's row directly from the stage, asked an eight-year-old girl to pass the beer for him, essentially making her a cocktail waitress.

Strange but true stories of events and exchanges with ordinary people. While stage names are used, these events were actually witnessed.