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Little Kernel


All creatures great and small.

things people said

computer stupidities

random acts of kindness foundation

100 things about other people

the monologues of fictional people

conversations about famous people


Mona Lisa Smile

Parental Guidance Dental Hygiene, General GoreEntertainment Value: Three Popcorn Pieces
Horror ExperienceMarvin** stepped outside the office to get a breath of fresh air on his morning break. His coworker Lynn** walked towards her car and stopped to chat to Marvin. As she began to make small talk, Marvin gasped in horror as her laughter revealed heavily bleeding gums. "Lynn!" he exclaimed, "Your teeth are bleeding!" Lynn waved her hand. "Oh, honey, those aren't teeth. They're dentures. And that's not blood. It's Twizzlers® !"


One Hour Photo

Adult Content Parental Guilt, Kodak Smiles, HysteriaEntertainment Value: Coveted Four Popcorn Pieces
Mature ThemesScanning in those family photos so Grandma can kick back in her Craftmatic® I Know My First Name Is Steven. So does everyone else who reads your blog. Thanks, Mom.and view them on her WebTV over a tall glass of Metamucil? You might as well be singing your newborn to sleep with burlesque tunes, according to David W. Boles*.

"Parents who place images of their children online are Pimps," says Boles, "because they use the language of the street that electrifies the mind of the pervert: 'Look at my big boys!' 'Isn’t my two-year-old daughter sweet in her tutu?'"

A related display of reckless exhibitionism lures visitors to the Cockroach Hall of Fame in Plano, TX. The museum curator asserts, "People are afraid of cockroaches...but their guard drops when they see them wearing a tutu or a bikini." God help us all if he starts describing their ballet costumes in "street talk."


Uncle Buck

General Audience Family Situations, Pun-based HumorEntertainment Value: Three Popcorn Pieces
Kids' ExperienceIn a suburban Target, a 50-something ponytailed man was seen walking through the store with his arms behind his back. He was dragging a young boy of about eight, being pulled prostrate along the floor feet first, head sweeping the ground down the aisle. After traveling about 30 feet, the man called out, "Hey, Mary** ! I think your son's a real drag!"

Strange but true stories of events and exchanges with ordinary people. While stage names are used, these events were actually witnessed.